Saturday, February 8, 2014

Meals: week of February 9

It's been a while since I've posted my meals for the week.  I've done meal planning, but I've been feeling a little overworked lately and haven't posted much of anything on my blog (clearly).  This week:

One thing that has been working for me with meal planning is to pick a couple veggies and then plan the meals around those veggies.  It's important to me that all dinners showcase some kind of veggie since I know I don't always get my veggies during the day, and Jeff certainly doesn't (since I have the pickiest. child. ever. I don't even factor Graham into the equation). Buying only a couple varieties of veggies for the week means that I have less waste (how many times have you bought 6 different types of veggies for 6 different meals and thrown away half of each veggie?).  I also think, maybe, it's cheaper.  But I can't for the life of me get my grocery bill under $100 each week, so maybe it's not as cheap as I think it is.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Something positive

Just to prove I'm not a total Debbie Downer, I thought I'd share a few funny Graham stories.
  • He's staying in bed!  After 6 weeks of moving him into a big boy bed, in the last week he has finally decided to stay put.  We may have bribed him with stickers, but I still consider it a win!  Although tonight he told me he didn't want his covers on because "me getting up soon." Ha!
  • Today he sat and watched the iPad while I did yoga. He made it almost 40 minutes before getting antsy! When I was wrapping up, he asked, "You all done with your yoga, mama?" I said, "Yes."  To which he replied, "You're so awesome!" I seriously got choked up.  My son told me I was awesome.  Totally made my day.  My week, actually.
Last, I will leave you all with this video. This is his new stall tactic, and it totally works because I laugh every time.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Finding Balance?

Today's party foul: sending a somewhat sensitive email to the wrong person. In fact, sending the email to the subject of the email.  Even better.  Then making the husband mad at you in the process of trying to remedy the whole situation.

Tonight's small victory: realizing I doubled entered not one but TWO entries in my check register, resulting in about $280 more money in my account than I thought.  But that actually is balancing out the $290 water bill I forgot to pay last month.

So I guess tonight there is still one more point in the "Hillary is an asshole" column.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Searching for community

Graham has been watching a lot of Sesame Street lately on the iPad, so I frequently here the "Word on the Street" part of the show.  One of the recent words is jealous.  Jealous is wanting what someone else has.  I'm jealous of my friends who actually get to do things with each other.  I'm jealous that they have a community of people in their lives who are willing to make the effort to be present in each others' lives.  I wish I had that.  I wish I had people to do fun things with on the weekends.  I wish that Graham and I would be invited over to make craft projects.  I wish that I had some girlfriends who I could occasionally meet for dinner, even on a weeknight. I wish I had a running group to get my butt in gear on these cold mornings.

I'm working on being grateful for the good things I have in my life, but I can't help but feel a little sad that in 8.5 years at Kalamazoo, the majority of my work friends have never seen my house.  I tried in those first few years to have people over but it never quite worked out.  So I stopped trying.  Conversely, I don't get invited to do things because I feel like for a while I had legitimate conflicts, so people stopped inviting me (although frankly, the invites were few and far between to start with).  I'm jealous that the people I know in GR have such amazing communities that there isn't room for anyone else.  I'm sad that when Jeff's friends invite us out, only he can go because it inevitably conflicts with Graham's nap and well, one of us has to stay home.

I'm jealous because Jeff is going to a basketball game on Saturday and while I'm happy I will get to spend the day with Graham, I'm sad that I'll be spending another weekend wishing that I was doing something fun with a friend, too.  Although I'm sure my mom will come over, but that's mostly because she's an adult unsure of how to make friends, too. 

I'm in search of a community and I'm not sure where to find it.

Also, I need to start posting things that are more positive.  

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Today I didn't yell

Today, after half of our grocery trip was spent with Graham crying (the other half of the time he was eating a donut, which may or may not have been a good idea) and the crying only got worse when we got in the car (which we walked to sans jackets in 25 degree weather), I made a commitment not to yell.  One of the coping mechanisms I've read about is counting to 10.  I counted out loud (albeit, quietly) to 344, which was the amount of time it took for us to get home.  I felt tired and angry and sad, but I didn't yell.  The crying continued for another 30 minutes in the house because he wanted up.  No he wanted down.  He wanted water.  He didn't want water.  He wanted in his room at the same time he wanted out of his room.  I felt flustered and nauseous, but I didn't yell.  We made the decision to "lock" his bedroom door, which made him FURIOUS.  He cried and screamed for 40 minutes.  But I didn't yell.  And then it was quiet.  I panicked, thinking he passed out or knocked himself out, so I opened his door.  He had tired himself out, climbed in bed, and fallen to sleep.  It's 2 hours before nap time.  We're going to be totally screwed this evening if he sleeps for any less than 2 hours.  I feel nervous and stressed, I'm not going to yell.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

Off our schedule

Graham transitioned to a big boy bed a few weeks ago.  Prior to that he was going through a stretch where he was waking up in the middle of the night - sometimes with nightmares and sometimes just because.  Luckily all it took was a hug and he was back to sleep.  That stopped and we decided to transition him to his big boy bed.  The first few nights were great - and then he realized how much freedom he has.  Since then it's been awful.  It takes anywhere from 30 to 90 minutes AFTER we kiss him good night (and after the 30-60 minutes regular bed time routine) of convincing him to stay the hell in his bed.  Which means he's going to sleep 30 to 90 minutes AFTER he should be.  Which means he's waking up 30 - 90 minutes BEFORE he should (or he's waking up in the middle of the night and coming in to our room and scaring the crap out of me and then still waking up insanely early).  As a result we are all totally off schedule.  I had a good thing going with my workout routine in the mornings.  Now, Graham is getting up in the middle of the night AND between 5 and 5:30 am.  I am tired.  And lacking the ability to workout in the mornings as a result.  This whole situation has me flummoxed. 

For one, because it's driving me absolutely crazy.  It's taking me twice as long to get anything done in the evenings because every 2-5 minutes I'm walking Graham back into his room.  The whole process of him getting up makes him more awake and then it takes him that much longer to settle down.  He's crankier during the day because he's not sleeping as much.  I'm crankier during the day because I'm not sleeping as much.  Jeff....well, Jeff never sleeps well, so it's sort of par for the course with him.

The other reason I'm feeling so at odds is that we are considering another child.  Which means that these nights of sleeplessness and days of being tired, cranky, and unmotivated will undoubtedly return.  When I was trying to get pregnant with Graham, I was fixated on my morning schedule.  How in the world would we walk Cooper, take care of the baby, get the baby to daycare, and then get to work on time?  I mean, I was obsessed with thinking about it.  And remarkably, it wasn't that hard!  It's much harder now to get out the door on time with a toddler who has very strong opinions about how and when things should be done.  Now that I'm thinking about the second, I'm obsessing over being able to exercise again (and therefore fitting into my pants again), and keeping some shred of sanity with two potentially "spirited" children. 

So if anyone has any useful suggestions on keeping my cool when Graham is in and out of his bedroom in the evenings - and tips for convincing him that it's awesome to stay in bed - I would appreciate them.  In general: how do you not totally lose your shit when your kid is being a jerk? Because I fail miserably at this pretty much 100% of the time that Graham is pushing my buttons.  I'm admitting to the blogosphere to swearing at my child (commence the judging) when he's whining, whining, whining, whining, crying, screaming, whining, crying, crying, crying, whining, crying, whining....nonstop about nothing.  I know this makes me an awful parent, a terrible example of what a patient person should look like, and in general a miserable human being, but some days I feel like I'm at my wits' end with this child. 

I promise to post something more positive soon; there have been really really good moments lately.  But a few of the bad ones are weighing heavy on me right now. 

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Brief Thoughts on Attachment Parenting

I'm not an attachment parenting kind of person.  Not that I don't believe in it.  But it's just not me.  I'm way too much of schedule-oriented, obsessive-compulsive, routine-driven individual.  Some days I like that about myself.  Other days I hate that about myself.  But it is what it is.  And my kid?  He's. Just. Like. Me.  AH!

I'm all for the theory and practice of attachment parenting.  But what I can not stand is the attachment parents who equate letting your kid cry sometimes at night to a form of child abuse and neglect.  Like this site.  Really?  Because I tell my kid no I'm an abusive parent?  I take SERIOUS issue with that.  Oh sure, there is data that suggests that attachment is best.  Guess what? There is data that suggests teaching your child to self-sooth is best.  There is no absolute truth when it comes to being human.  Why? Because we humans are not perfect.  I am not perfect. You - my co-sleeping, gentle-parenting, babywearing mama friends - are not perfect.  Stop making me feel like such a bad mother.  I do enough of that on my own.